Been gone for a minute now I’m back with the jumpoff!
Controversy doesn’t sleep, but it does take impromptu summer breaks! I apologize for nothing!
This is LONG overdue so let’s just get into it! Not so little known fact about the kid, I’m born and raised in the South. I learned the fine art of turning nothing into something from the best of the best! My mother is the QUEEN of making $5 out of 15¢ and both of my Grannies could feed literally dozens of people off of one pack of chicken and a bushel of greens. I know they know the Lord because they were out here performing miracles like my Jesus did back in the gap! Outchea feeding multitudes off of table scraps and whatnot!
With this kind of extreme couponing in my DNA you know I’m all the way here for not letting things go to waste. What I am NOT here for is trying to force things to be what they can’t, shouldn’t, and will NEVER be. With that being said, the “making the most of what you have” line of thinking applies to your groceries, not your love life. I am a FIRM believer that ANYTHING you have to force you need to let go of… friendships, relationships, outfits, ponytails, edges, hairlines, recipes, etc…
PLEASE. JUST. STOP!
This ain’t cajun style, it’s just burnt and you can’t cook!
WE TOLD YOU TO JUST BRING PLATES & FOIL Cousin Faith!
When it comes to relationships you gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold them, and know when to exit stage left at breakneck speed!
Throughout the years I’ve asked friends, family members, and myself why do we stay in and/or pursue unfulfilling relationships and the five silliest and most common answers were the following:
I WANT TO FIGHT FOR US!
Awww, that’s nice… potentially stupid but NICE!
Okay I’ll give you a break, this one isn’t necessarily foolish. If you and Bae are going to tag team your issues like a WWE match I’m ready to stand on the sidelines to provide water, towels, and words of encouragement as needed.
What y’all know bout the greatest tag team couple of all time?! RIP CHYNA!
Some of my favorite couples have endured rough seasons where they had to struggle TOGETHER to overcome their issues. They ultimately came out stronger and more committed to and in love with one another than ever before. The major key in those relationships #KhaledVoice was the willingness of BOTH parties to fight FOR the relationship! If you are out here trying to do the work of two people in a relationship you are on the road to Epic-Failville! Population – Just your goofy tail, ETA: ANY DAY NOW!
If the man you’re with is more than willing to fight WITH you or ignore the problems you have in the relationship, he has made it abundantly clear he is going to put in ZERO effort to make the relationship fulfilling for the both of you. You’re trying to enhance a relationship with a person who sees no issues with the status quo or just refuses to change his ways. Your relationship is essentially a bad group project. You know the one where you’re partnered with someone who refuses to do their part and leaves all the work to you but shows up just in time to receive the praise. The one you had the option of kicking out of the group but didn’t because you thought it would be mean. Congratulations, you get all the guts and none of the glory if there is any glory to be had.
This is a beautiful song but have you ever seen anyone fight by themselves? It is literally one of the most confusing and foolish things you’ll ever see.
I do not understand what just happened. Don’t become a gif, Don’t force it!
WE’VE BEEN TOGETHER TOO LONG I CAN’T WALK AWAY NOW.
Let me give you an out here. There is no such thing as we’ve been together too long to walk away. If you are unhappy or are being mistreated and your partner does not acknowledge this or refuses to change his ways YOU.CAN. LEAVE! It doesn’t matter if you’ve been dating for 2 months or have been together for twelve years you still have the ability to chuck the mightiest deuce and bounce like freshly pressed hair.
You did not stay too long! Okay you did, I did too so no judgments because that is beside the point! Basically what you’re saying is I’ve been unfulfilled for too long to leave and find fulfillment now. I’ve got to ride the wave of dissatisfaction all the way until the bitter, ugly, frustrating end. I mean you could do that…
I get it, y’all have been rocking since 16, he’s the only man you’ve ever loved, you “know” in your heart he is supposed to be your husband… If only he would act right then y’all could be happy. So he just needs to be a completely different person then?! Piece of cake!
Cousin Faith?! Didn’t we JUST tell you to stop trying to cook!
Let’s keep it funky, the REAL reason most of us stay too long at the rodeo is because we are too tired, jaded, or invested to start all over again. We become comfortable in discomfort and don’t want to channel our inner Aaliyah, dust ourselves off, and try again.
RIP BABY GIRL
“We’ve been in this thing 5 years.”
“It’s not fair that it has to end this way.”
“I don’t want to start over!”
“It’s too hard.”
Believe me sis, if you don’t do it now it’ll be 5 more years and you’ll still be wishing you had.
Don’t force it! Walk away!
I hate to break it to you (NOT REALLY) most people don’t marry their high school sweetheart (I DIDN’T), you’ve got a much better chance of being the rule instead of the exception (I WAS), and his emotional response to your departure is none of your concern. Which takes me right into silly reason #3…
I DON’T WANT TO HURT HIM
One of my biggest struggles with walking away from my childhood sweetheart was my worry about how our breakup would impact him. I didn’t want him to feel abandoned or that I had given up on him. I was miserable but I stayed because I assumed he would be sad if I left. One of the smartest people I know told me that how he felt after the fact was none of my concern and completely out of my control. I needed to get out of the habit of putting what I thought he needed above my own happiness. I had to accept that what was best for me was more important than what I tricked myself into believing was best for him. If we are keeping it all the way real, a dysfunctional, unhealthy, unhappy relationship isn’t good for your or Bae. Truth be told, sacrificing yourself and your own happiness like you’re the Baby Jesus of Booships is more about your need to be needed and your fear of being alone than about hurting the other person.
We will talk about how our need to be needed leads to bad decisions in a future post. Let’s move on to #4 for now.
I’M SO CLOSE TO A RING/I’M READY TO GET MARRIED.
You know what else you’re really close to? A DIVORCE! Girl I get it, I want to be a MRS too but you don’t get a wedding ring just for participating. A relationship isn’t field day at your local elementary school, and an engagement ring isn’t the green ribbon given to everyone who shows up to play the game. Marriage is more than a diamond, and contrary to popular belief NOBODY OWES YOU A RING!
I know, shocking right?!
Also, in case you didn’t know, once you say I DO you then have to go and be MARRIED to this man! Congratulations, you have now committed to loving, honoring, and cherishing a man you barely like, trust or tolerate.
Let me tell you what happens when you marry folks you aren’t too sure about, they go from husband on your Facebook page to respondent on your divorce papers real quick. Don’t believe me? Fine, I have receipts for you! Two of my favorite entertainers are Keshia Knight Pulliam & LeToya Luckett. I love them both and I am all the way here for the happiness of my sisters, BUT I saw these here divorces coming from the get-go! I’m always a little leery when folks make a mad dash down the aisle. There is something about quicky nuptials that send my Spidey senses for bad decisions into overdrive. Rudy should have told Bud (I mean Ed) to beat it and LeToya should have told Rob No, No, No when he proposed.
That man was not your DESTINY, CHILD!
HE’S A NICE GUY!
Ok… And?!
I automatically assume you aren’t really feeling your guy if you start describing him with this sentence. I’m not sleeping on nice guys, for the most part we all want a man who is a good person who treats us well, but that alone does not a successful relationship make. I’ve been asked out by lots of nice guys and if all they have going for them is that they are nice I swiftly and unapologetically decline.
If you are of the Simp Clan and are about to make a rapid decline into your feelings, feel the need to tell me the reason I am single is because I turn down nice guys, or you are about to run Usain Bolt style into the assumption that I want some rough neck that neither you or I know in real life. Do me a favor…
Because, BISH I didn’t ask you!
Look, there is nothing wrong with dating a nice guy but that can’t be the only reason you give him play. If you’re not attracted to him, aren’t interested in him, are embarrassed to tell your people about him, or can’t say with absolute certainty you won’t drop him for the next man, LEAVE HIM BE! You will break that man’s heart! You don’t have the right to string someone along until you meet somebody “better” and that’s exactly what dating the nice guy who is just nice will ensure! I totally understand feeling weary of the ways of the single world but if you have to rationalize why you are dating someone then you probably shouldn’t be together. I will have no sympathy for you if you marry the nice guy, have a bunch of nice babies, and are miserable with your nice Bob’s Burgers Boring Ahh Life. Choose wisely… Don’t Force It!
Don’t do it Big Fella!
CONTROVERSIAL CASS 