You, yes you, need to lower your expectations! Girl I didn’t stutter you heard me; your expectations are way too high! Now if you read the first post I’m sure you’re thinking didn’t this heffa just tell me to have some expectations? You’re right; I did, but just roll with me.

First things first, understand that an expectation and a standard are two VERY different things. I encourage you to have high (but attainable) standards. For example, a few of my standards require my guy to love Jesus, want to be married, desire to be a father, be faithful, be employed, and be appealing to my eye.

 

This won’t work for me! Call it shallow if you want but I need to think my man is cute. I can’t risk my children coming out looking like who did it and what for. I will not set them up like that!

My standards are pretty much set, they are non-negotiable; you can’t be my man if you don’t check those boxes at a minimum. We can’t discuss going out, we can’t just see how it goes, we can’t do anything, because YOU DON’T MEET MY STANDARDS! These standards are why I know NO MAN from MY PAST is the man for me. They do not meet my standards and I don’t EXPECT them to. See where I’m going with this?

Your problem is that you keep EXPECTING a man to be something he hasn’t been and will probably NEVER be for you. Let’s look at some case examples, shall we?

This is Ronnie!

You have been dating Ronnie for the last four years and he has been unfaithful to you for the last three. Every few months you find out Ronnie has a new side chick that he has been riding around and getting it with. Every time you uncover his infidelity you cry, threaten to leave him, give him an unrealistic ultimatum, he agrees to said ultimatum, and you take him back. LIKE A FOOL!

Yes girl I called you a fool, let’s move on. I can see your foolishness because it looks a lot like mine did.

Ronnie promises he won’t cheat again and you actually EXPECT him to keep that promise. WHY?!  This man has shown you consistently for the past 36 months that the only thing he can faithfully do is cheat on you. So why do you keep EXPECTING him to be different? You need to EXPECT him to cheat on you every time the seasons change. EXPECT him to fall back, and spring forward into another woman’s bed like clockwork. EXPECT to have to take antibiotics because he brought you back a little gift from his latest biscuit (my favorite term for side chicks). EXPECT to have stepchildren who are younger than your actual children with him. These are expectations he can meet! Lower your expectations of Ronnie, set him up to succeed!

Then there’s Roscoe!

Roscoe is FINE, I mean Denzel Clooney Kodjoe Chestnut fine. He is the adopted stepbrother of Michael Ealy, Idris Elba, & Channing Tatum kind of fine. And he ain’t ish! Roscoe has no job, no car, no ambition, and nothing to offer you. As a matter of fact, the only things Roscoe has to his name are some washboard abs, a Planet Fitness membership (actually it’s his big brother’s but they look alike so he uses it too), pretty eyes, and sexual prowess. Yeeesss honey, Roscoe is good for two things, breaking your back and your pockets! You want him to be a provider, to support you, to add something to your household; your EXPECTATION is for him to be a man. BUT Roscoe can’t do that, he has to focus on his fitness schedule so he can become a professional bodybuilder.

Do you know how time consuming meal prep is? How is he supposed to increase his muscle mass and work a 9-5?

Most of the time you’re understanding of the demanding schedule of a wannabe Mr. Universe. AND you LOVE the fact that your man is FIONE and can bench press your 5’5 150 pound frame without breaking a sweat, MOST OF THE TIME. But then there are times when you are strapped for cash, the bills are due and you get pissed at Roscoe because you EXPECT him to be a man and help you out. When the crap hits the fan, or when due dates come up rather, Roscoe can’t live up to your expectations. So again I say, LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS SIS! EXPECT him to be late picking you up from work because he had to wait for the leg press machine to open up before he could leave the gym. EXPECT to have to give Roscoe an allowance so he can re-up on protein powder every other week. EXPECT him to only be able to meet your needs when you’re in a horizontal position. Roscoe can meet those expectations; he can mooch of off you, eat your kids’ after school snacks, and give you private gun shows upon request. Don’t EXPECT him to do anything else but be a dependent you can’t claim on your taxes or you’ll be disappointed.

So how does that sound? Are you okay with being Ronnie’s favorite girl to cheat on? Are you cool with being Roscoe’s ATM and second Mommy? If so, then I have helped you solve your problem, just EXPECT WAY LESS of your no count man and you will be happier than me with a plate of bacon!

I REALLY LOVE BACON!

If you’re not cool with slumming it I’ve got some advice for you. To quote Muva Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!”

Stop believing what you want to believe and start believing the truth! Of course you want to believe Ronnie is going to stop cheating, but all he shows you is that he won’t. Sure you want to believe that Roscoe will grow up and you can live like Yvette & Jody in some Baby Boy-esque happily ever after, but that ain’t happening.

I want to believe I can eat bacon and doughnuts on a daily and not get diabetes. Also, NOT HAPPENING!

I hate (not really) to break it to you sis, if he hasn’t changed by now he isn’t going to change, PERIOD! So you need to decide, live with a lowered expectation (you best believe I sang that SNL style) and be happy with Ronnie/Roscoe. OR live by your standards, decide you can’t take this ish no more and do like my girl Olivia and BIZOUNCE! The choice is yours!