You know it’s going to be a good post when I start off with a Muva Tina Turner reference!

---

Let’s just jump right into it shall we, LOVE ISN’T ENOUGH! It just isn’t, period! Never in the history of ever has love been enough to sustain any relationship, EVER!  If you’re a misinformed Christian I hate to break it to you but NOWHERE in the bible does it say love conquers all.

Don’t believe me? Go and re-read the scripture you think is going to prove me wrong, I’ll be here waiting for you.

Let me guess, you came back armed with 1 Corinthians 13:7-8? First of all, the text doesn’t say it conquers all, it says it perseveres and never fails. Which isn’t necessarily the same thing. Also, the scripture speaks to a very specific kind of love, not what some of us are out here struggling with and calling love, but I digress. If your love is like the love described in verses 4-6 then it does have the ability to persevere and this message isn’t for you. You get a free pass from this week’s reading, See you on the 29th!
This is the love Christ has for us by the way, if you out here loving like Jesus every day 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 for you. Give me some tips girl because some days, it’s a struggle! 

However that’s not the love I’m talking about here. This post is not about healthy, sustaining, unconditional agape love. That love, you know the love Jesus has for us, yeah that love is more than enough. That love can do anything but fail. BUT some of y’all are out here treating conditional, temporary, fleeting, unhealthy love like agape love and I have news for you, IT’S NOT GOING TO CONQUER ANYTHING!

Like the old folks say, I’m not telling you what I think I’m telling you what I know.

When I think back to my failed relationships there is no doubt that l loved my exes. I was totally enamored, ten toes down, and all in.

Girl, that was my man, my boo, my BAE, my Errythang!

The love was there, and we still didn’t make it. While love was present, there was no trust, communication was a joke, and our goals for the future were as far as the east is from the west.  Sound anything like you and your boo? If so girl just let go! Love in and of itself is not a panacea, it takes more than love to make a relationship last AND be satisfying. If the only answer you can give as to why you refuse to get off of the struggle bus with Roscoe is because you love him, my response will be…

OK… AND?!

You can absolutely stay in a relationship where all you have is “love” but it won’t be fulfilling and you will most likely live to regret it. Basically what you end up saying is this, “I don’t trust my man to be there for me when I need him. My man doesn’t show me affection the way I need him to. My guy puts everything and everyone else before me. My dude is unfaithful or abusive but he always tells me he doesn’t mean it. I don’t believe a word that comes out of my man’s mouth and he doesn’t like talking to me. My relationship has basically gone to hell in a deluxe, express shipped hand basket but because I love him I am choosing to stay.” What sense does that make? In what world does staying in an unchanging negative situation because you think a feeling, an inconstant emotion, will make things better make any sense?! You’ve been loving him all of this time and it’s gotten you nothing but more heartache and pain.

This is what you sound like! “Everything around me is falling apart but I have this occasional warm fuzzy so maybe it’ll get better!” It won’t, it only gets worse!

Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not easy to just get up and walk away. My ex and I broke up 3 times over a SIX month timeframe before we actually, finally called it quits. It was hard and I was devastated. I loved him, every first I have ever had included him. We grew up together, he was literally a part of my life. I can’t tell my story without including him. I couldn’t just leave, I thought we were meant to be, in my mind he was my destiny. And most importantly, I LOVED HIM, (insert petty eye roll as I think back to my own stupidity) so I committed to staying. For a year and a half I ignored verbal abuse, constant fighting, resolving every argument with some sort of physical release, being unable to communicate, and every other negative thing about my relationship because I loved him and he loved me. I wasted so much time and lost so much of myself because I thought love could salvage our relationship.

In the words of my Daddy, I was as wrong as 8 left shoes!

If your relationship is anything like my previous ones you are in love without action. Love without action looks like hearing what your partner needs from you and refusing to change. Love without action looks like hurting your partner and putting the “I love you” Band-Aid on a situation that needs full-blown surgery. Love without action looks like comfort, misery, and fear. Love without action isn’t really love and it can’t succeed.

The Beatles lied to you, love is not all you need, you need love with action!

You deserve true love, love that shows and proves, love that puts in the work and has visible fruits for its labor. If you’re in a relationship right now and love is all you have, all you’ve got is a “sweet old-fashioned notion” and it’s just a matter of time before that runs out too. Learn to love your somebody from a distance, you’ll be glad you did!