We all know the scene. A beautiful girl is home alone and hears something go bump in the night. This isn’t new territory for her. She has seen this scenario before and she knows what she should do, but she doesn’t do it. Instead of calling for help, she like every other silly girl in this predicament decides to become Inspector Gadget and starts investigating like she’s the Derek Morgan replacement on Criminal Minds.

Pause for dramatic crying, I’m still not okay with this! Moving on!

The next thing you know she comes face to face with a villainous murderer who goes on a rampage for the next 120 minutes slaying her and all of her friends for the duration of the film. Meanwhile, the rest of us are yelling at the screen pleading with her not to open the door or go around the corner which leads directly to her impending doom.

Look I found a picture of you and Bae!

Guess what sis?! You are that girl, your love life is the horror movie, your friends and family are the audience you didn’t listen to who warned you not to walk into a death trap, and your guy is the villainous murderer you ignored the telltale signs about (you know haunting music, suspicious sounds, cut phone lines, and power outages.) Now you’re stuck somewhere around minute 76 of your frightening love story and you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself. You are the owner of a broken heart and it’s your fault! Don’t agree?! That’s fine, let’s hash this thing out and see where it takes us!

Have you ever seen a sign that says “bridge out”? Did you ever think to yourself…?

THEY don’t want me to know there is a shortcut back there…

THEY don’t want me to be on time for my hair appointment…

THEY don’t get that the bridge just needs some help pulling itself together again!

*If you didn’t read this in a DJ Khaled “Major Key” voice we cannot be friends!*

Let me guess, you said no right?! You want to know why, because it would be foolish and potentially deadly to ignore such a huge warning sign! If somebody tells you the bridge is out you turn the car around and find an alternate route to get to where you’re going. So why don’t you do that with regards to relationships?

When you met Ronnie he was in a serious relationship with another woman.

RED FLAG!

He cheated on her with you, because “he really loved you and you understood him in ways she couldn’t”. Now he’s running around on you with anything that will move and you “just don’t understand why”. He gave you his “I’m a cheater” resume when he applied to be your man and YOU still gave him the position.

OR he reeked of non commitment when you met him. You know the type, Mr. I Don’t Like Labels, the Reigning Emperor of “We Know What We Are, We Don’t Have to Define It For Other People”. The man who has been linked to every girl in your neighborhood but hasn’t been in an actual relationship since Destiny’s Child disbanded.

All hail Weezy F. Baby, the Patron Saint of Non Commitment and Baby Making!

RED FLAG!

Now you’re completely invested in him, and he hasn’t given you anything more than he was offering from day one. You’re ready for a relationship and he still isn’t ready to open his heart to you. You’re in love with someone you can’t even call your own and you have no clue what to do next.

OR he went postal like Michael Ealy in the Perfect Guy during your first 30 days of dating and tried to justify it by saying he loves hard and has had his heart broken.

RED FLAG!

Now its years later and he is more controlling and possessive than ever. You feel like you walk around on pins and needles because anything will set him off. You try to stay under the radar because you don’t want to ruffle his feathers.

If you are in a violent situation please know you are not alone and there is help out there for you. Violence has dangerous complexities that relationships without this factor don’t experience and I recognize that. The blog is about accountability but regardless of what is going on in your relationship, abuse is NEVER your fault. Don’t suffer in silence, please get help if you need it. Safety is of the utmost importance, first and foremost. Visit http://www.thehotline.org/ or call 1 (800) 799-SAFE (7233).

You are where you are because you ignored the signs! Loving him hurts! You feel helpless, hopeless, and empty. Your heart is broken and hanging on by the very thin strings of empty promises and unfulfilled dreams. And if you’re honest with yourself, you’re partly to blame. You didn’t tell him to cheat, or mistreat you, or run away from commitment, he chose those actions and he has to own up to them. However, when the red flag was waving like an ominous banner in the breeze you didn’t get out of dodge while you had the chance.

We choose who we love and we choose what we accept in the name of love. Understand that you don’t have to continue to make that choice. We have to recognize how our personal choices impact our current situations so we can be mindful not to make those choices again.

My BFF says, “personal choices = personal outcomes”!

I could give you a pass and blame it all on whatever man is currently breaking you down. But I won’t! Because if I did that I’d just be underscoring the idea that you are a powerless, helpless victim in all of this, and you’re not. YOU chose him when all the signs told you not to. YOU stayed even though your heart was crumbling. YOU chose his “love” over your sanity every time the option presented itself. Now YOU have to decide to make that pain stop. The pain of heartbreak continues only as long as you allow it to. Once you decide that you can no longer handle brokenness and make a decision to reject that part of your life, healing can begin.

Say what you want about Karrueche Tran but when she hit her breaking point there was no going back. You need to get to that point!

The great thing about taking partial responsibility for your broken heart is that it allows you to take full responsibility for your healing as well!

So take a minute, say a prayer, play Andra Day’s “Red Flags” on repeat, sip on your favorite vino and take control back over your heart. Because once you’re whole again, that’s gonna be your fault too!