Fun Fact, I’m celibate! For those in my inner circle that’s not news, it’s not a secret, and it’s nothing to write home about. For others of you, one of three things is going through your mind: “That’s cool.” OR “Girl, why?” OR my favorite “Better you than me because I couldn’t do it!” Any response is fine with me and I take no offense. Maybe after this series is over I’ll tell you a little story all about how and why I closed the vault. But, you’re not here to hear a heartwarming, vulnerable celibacy story. You’re here to learn more about why #TheYearOfBae is cancelled. I’ve been celibate, I just started cancelling Baes in 2017. Quite frankly, I don’t want any of the guys I’ve met recently to touch me… EVER! As far as I’m concerned I’m gone be celibate with these clowns for the rest of my life. I would rather die never having had sex again than to have to saddle up with some of the offerings of Nashville.

This may be me and I’ll be alright!

I think God is really trying to help me stay committed to celibacy because it’s been significantly easier to stay holy in Nashville than it ever was on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. I’m currently off the “beast with two backs” market. However, the plan is to one day meet a man, fall in love, annoy the hell out of each other, decide our annoyances are tolerable, get married, have a family, and continue to annoy each other and any children we have until the rapture. Which means at some point I will no longer be celibate, so I’m doing a little bit of planning ahead.

Jesus is he available?!

If you know me, you know I love Jesus. Don’t let the occasional expletive fool you, that’s the homie. So a large portion of why I’m celibate has to do with my faith and what the bible says. This one always sticks out to me on the occasion that I consider I’m no longer about this celibacy life.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God–this is your true and proper worship. – Romans 12:1

So here I am to worship, by getting no nookie! It’s a sacrifice but I’m committed to it. HOWEVER, part of the reason #TheYearOfBae has been cancelled is because being celibate with some of the fellas I’ve met would be no sacrifice at all! It would be really easy actually.  Some of these guys I wouldn’t let touch me with a 10 foot pole, or any other pole of shorter length attached to their anatomies. That sounds mean and maybe it is but I’m not a nice person. In my head I’m supposed to want to be intimate with a guy and then have to remind myself that I can’t because God would not be happy. That isn’t happening though, sometimes its because I’m not attracted, sometimes it’s because attractive guys say stupid things and instantly become repulsive, and sometimes it’s because I can see the devil in, on, and around you and I don’t want your evil anywhere near me, especially not my region of nether. NOT NOW, NOT EVER! So until someone real saved, real fine, real woke, and real dope shows up who makes this celibacy life an actual sacrifice… Issa Cancellation. 

P.S. – Being out of the game isn’t the reason why the idea of being intimate with some of these Nashville dudes feels like it would be slow torture. The impure thoughts I have to repent for regarding Kofi Siriboe prove that it’s them and not me.